tolitz.com » Spam and Shit http://www.tolitz.com the cynic eye of the third world guy Sat, 27 Mar 2010 05:17:20 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 Don’t know any tagalog? Here are common words to get you started… http://www.tolitz.com/2010/02/02/dont-know-any-tagalog-here-are-common-words-to-get-you-started/#utm_source=feed&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=feed http://www.tolitz.com/2010/02/02/dont-know-any-tagalog-here-are-common-words-to-get-you-started/#comments Tue, 02 Feb 2010 21:49:21 +0000 Tolitz http://www.tolitz.com/?p=789 So you’re someone who doesn’t speak ANY word of Tagalog, and you’re embarrassed to speak with Filipinos…  maybe you are a non-Filipino who is friends with/is dating/is married to a Filipino, and you would like to understand them more… or maybe you are visiting the Philippines and you want to impress them with your knowledge of basic Tagalog words… well, here’s a short list of all common (and not so common) Tagalog words that can be used in everyday speech… learn them well, and take them to heart… it is guaranteed that anyone who understands Tagalog will look at you in a whole new light once you say these everyday words in Tagalog…

These are common colloquial Tagalog words, not the formal meanings.  So don’t worry if some of them sound weird… Good luck! ;)

* * * * *

  • Haller? – Hello?
  • Nag-iinit ka ba? – Hey, beautiful.
  • Oh! My! Ghulay! – Holy Vegetables!
  • Putang Ina mo? – Where’s your mom?
  • Mamatay ka na!!! – See you soon!!!
  • Magsalsal ka kaya muna dyan? – Where is the Bathroom?
  • Ang baho mo, tanga. – Nice weather we’re having today.
  • Ang bobo mo talaga, sobra! – To me, you are the most beautiful flower in the field.
  • Pucha! – Wonderful!
  • Tang ina ka talaga! – I would like a fork please.
  • Hoy baboy!- Hey waiter!
  • Gago ka! – You’re good!
  • Dito sa Jolibee, bida ang sarap! – You’re my best friend!
  • Bababa ba? – Is this elevator going up?
  • Gago! Leche! – Good morning! (can also be used for other greetings like “Merry Christmas!”)
  • Ang bango mo! – You smell like shit!
  • Nag-sepilyo ka ba? – What’s your perfume?
  • Bakla ka! – You’re such a gentleman!
  • Puki mo mabaho! – Pokemon is on!
  • Tarantado ka! – Thank you very much!
  • Ang sosi, sosi mo. – Here are your keys, sir.
  • Miss, may booking ka? – Hi, wanna go out?
  • Kupal ka!!! – You’re so nice!!!
  • Kalurkey! – I’m not impressed.
  • Pustahan Ay Sus Naku! – Betcha By Golly Wow!

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]]> http://www.tolitz.com/2010/02/02/dont-know-any-tagalog-here-are-common-words-to-get-you-started/feed/ 0 English movie titles that you should NEVER translate to Tagalog… http://www.tolitz.com/2009/11/08/english-movie-titles-that-you-should-never-translate-to-tagalog/#utm_source=feed&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=feed http://www.tolitz.com/2009/11/08/english-movie-titles-that-you-should-never-translate-to-tagalog/#comments Mon, 09 Nov 2009 05:10:49 +0000 Tolitz http://www.tolitz.com/?p=701 This has been posted on several blogs and social networking sites I think, and I remember seeing this once… but this is the first time I’m gonna be posting it here, coz it was just so funny – for those who can understand Tagalog, anyway ;)

* * * * *

1.  Black Hawk Down – Ibong Maitim Sa Ibaba

2.  Dead Man’s Chest – Dodo Ng Patay

3.  I Know What You Did Last Summer – Uuy….Aminin!

4.  Love, Actually – Sa Totoo Lang, Pag-ibig

5.  Million Dollar Baby – 50 Milyon Pisong Sanggol (it depends on the exchange rate of the country)

6.  The Blair Witch Project – Ang Proyekto ng Bruhang Si Blair

7.  Mary Poppins – Si Mariang May Putok

8.  Snakes On A Plane – Nag-ahasan sa Ere

9.  The Postman Always Rings Twice – Ang Kartero Kapag Dumutdot Laging Dalawang Beses

10.   Sum Of All Fears – Takot Mo , Takot Ko, Takot Nating Lahat

11.  Swordfish – Talakitok

12.  Pretty Woman – Ganda Ng Lola Mo

13.  Robin Hood, Men In Tights – Si Robin Hood At Ang Mga Bakat

14.  Four Weddings And A Funeral – Kahit 4 Na Beses Ka Pang Magpakasal, Mamamatay Ka Rin

15.  The Good, The Bad And The Ugly – Ako, Ikaw, Kayong Lahat

16.  Harry Potter – Adik Si Harry

17.  Click – Isang Pindot Ka Lang

18.  Brokeback Mountain – Bumigay Sa Bundok

19.  The Day Of The Dead – Araw Ng Mga Patay

20.  Waterworld – Basang-basa

21.  There’s Something About Mary – May Kwan Sa Ano Ni Maria

22.  Employee Of The Month – Ang Sipsip

23.  Resident Evil – Ang Biyenan

24.  Kill Bill – Kilitiin Sa Bilbil

25.  The Grudge – Lintik Lang Ang Walang Ganti

26.  Nightmare Before Christmas – Binangungot Sa Noche Buena

27.  Never Been Kissed – Pangit Kasi

28.  Gone In 60 Seconds – 1 Round Lang, Tulog

29.  The Fast And The Furious – Ang Bitin, Galit

30.  Dude, Where’s My Car – Dong, Anong Level Ulit tayo Nag-park?

31.  Beauty And The Beast – Ang Asawa Ko At Ang Biyenan

32.  The Lord Of The Rings – Ang Alahero

* * * * *

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]]> http://www.tolitz.com/2009/11/08/english-movie-titles-that-you-should-never-translate-to-tagalog/feed/ 0 Carinderia Menu, anyone? http://www.tolitz.com/2007/04/21/carinderia-menu-anyone/#utm_source=feed&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=feed http://www.tolitz.com/2007/04/21/carinderia-menu-anyone/#comments Sat, 21 Apr 2007 10:08:28 +0000 Tolitz http://www.tolitz.com/?p=535 My brother sent me an email with this on it more than a year ago… I posted it on my personal blog coz it was hella funny, and I decided that I’d share it here with you guys, even though I’m sure this has already been posted several times before…

However, this is in Tagalog, so to those who are not well-versed in the language/dialect, my sincere apologies – for you missing out on the fun ;)

Let’s begin this buffet from hell, shall we?

* * * * *

  • TAPSILOG - Tapa, Sinangag, Itlog
  • LONGSILOG - Longganisa, Sinangag, Itlog
  • HOTSILOG - Hotdog, Sinangag, Itlog
  • PORKSILOG - Baboy, Sinangag, Itlog
  • CHICKSILOG - Chicken Sinangag Itlog
  • AZUCARERA - Adobong Aso
  • LUGLOG - Lugaw, Itlog
  • PAKAPLOG - Pandesal, Kape, Itlog
  • KALOG - Kanin, Itlog
  • PAKALOG - Pandesal, Kanin, Itlog
  • MAALOG NA BETLOG - Maalat na Itlog, Pakbet, Itlog
  • BAHAW - Kaning lamig ito… pero may nagtinda, Bakang Inihaw
  • KALKAL - Kalderetang Kalabaw
  • HIMAS - Hipon Malasado
  • HIMAS SUSO - Hipon Malasado, Sugpo, Keso
  • HIMAS PEKPEK - Hipon Malasado, Kropek, Pinekpek’n
  • PEKPEK MONG MALAKI - Kropek, Pinekpek’n, Monggo, Malasado, Laing, Kilawin
  • DILA - Dinuguan, Laing
  • DILAAN MO - Dinuguan, Laing, Dalandan, Molo
  • BOKA BOKA - Bopis, Kanin, Bokayo, Kape
  • BOKA BOKA MO PA - Bopis, Kanin, Bokayo, Kape, Molong Pancit
  • KANTOT - Kanin, Tortang Talong
  • KANTOT PA - Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit
  • SIGE KANTOT PA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit
  • SIGE KANTOT PA HA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit, Halo-halo
  • SIGE KANTOT PA IBAON MO - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit… Take out
  • SIGE KANTOT PA IBAON MO PAPA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit… Take out w/ Ketchup 
  • PAKANTOT - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong
  • PAPAKANTOT - Papaitan, Kanin, Tortang Talong
  • PAPAKANTOT KA BA - Papaitan, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Kapeng Barako
  • PAKANTOT SA YO - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Saging… + Yosi
  • PAKANTOT KA - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Kape
  • PAKANTOT KA HABANG MATIGAS PA - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Kape, Inihaw na Bangus, Maruya, Tinola, Ginisang Aso, Pancit
  • SUBO - Sugpo, Bopis
  • SUBO MO - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo
  • SUBO MO PA - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Pancit
  • SUBO MO PA MAIGE - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Mais, Pige
  • SUBO MO TITE KO - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Tinola, Teriyaki, Kochinta
  • SUBO MO TITE KO BILIS - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Tinola Teryaki, Kochinta, Bihon, Tawilis
  • SUBO MO TITE KO BILIS, HAYOP! - …same as above, minura mo lang yung waiter – kasi ang tagal ng order…

* * * * *

I think I just lost my appetite…

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]]> http://www.tolitz.com/2007/04/21/carinderia-menu-anyone/feed/ 0 Shit Happens… http://www.tolitz.com/2006/09/11/shit-happens/#utm_source=feed&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=feed http://www.tolitz.com/2006/09/11/shit-happens/#comments Tue, 12 Sep 2006 02:00:28 +0000 Tolitz http://www.tolitz.com/?p=375 We all know that shit happens… but how do other religions and beliefs view shit when it happens?   Let’s find out:

* * * * *

  • TAOISM:  Shit happens.
  • CONFUCIANISM:  Confucius say, “Shit happens”.
  • ZEN:  (What is the sound of shit happening?)
  • JESUITISM:  If shit happens and nobody is watching, is it really shit?
  • ISLAM:  Shit happens if it is the will of Allah.
  • COMMUNISM:  Equal shit happens to all people.
  • CATHOLICISM:  Shit happens because you are bad.
  • PSYCHOANALYSIS:   Shit happens because of your toilet training.
  • SCIENTOLOGY:  Shit happens if you’re on our shit list.
  • ZOROASTRIANISM:  Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.
  • UNITARIANISM:  Maybe shit happens. Let’s have coffee and donuts.
  • RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM:  Let this shit happen to someone else.
  • JUDAISM:  Why does shit always happen to us?
  • REFORM JUDAISM:  Got any Kaopectate?
  • MYSTICISM:  What weird shit!
  • AGNOSTICISM:  What is this shit?
  • ATHEISM:  I don’t believe this shit!
  • NIHILISM:  Who needs this shit?
  • AZTEC:  Cut out this shit!
  • QUAKER:  Let’s not fight over this shit.
  • FORTEANISM:  No shit??
  • 12-STEP:  I am powerless to cut the shit.
  • VOODOO:  Hey, that shit looks just like you!
  • NEWAGE:  Visualize shit not happening.
  • DEISM:  Shit just happens.
  • EXISTENTIALISM:  Shit doesn’t happen; shit is.
  • SECULAR HUMANISM:  Shit evolves.
  • CHRISTIAN SCIENCE:  Shit is in your mind.
  • BUDDHISM:  Shit happens, but pay no mind.
  • SHINTOISM:  Shit is everywhere.
  • HINDUISM:  This shit has happened before.
  • WICCA:  Mix this shit together and make it happen!
  • HASIDISM:   Shit never happens the same way twice.
  • THEOSOPHY:  You don’t know half of the shit that happens.
  • DIANETICS:  Your mother gave you shit before your were born.
  • SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST:  No shit on Saturdays.
  • JEHOVAH’s WITNESSES:  No shit happens until Armageddon.
  • MOONIES:  Only happy shit really happens.
  • HOPI:  Corn fertilizer happens.
  • BAHA’I:  It’s all the same shit.
  • STOICISM:   This shit is good for me.
  • OBJECTIVISM:  Our shit is good for you.
  • EST:  If my shit bothers you, that’s your fault.
  • REAGANISM:  Don’t move; the shit will trickle down.
  • FASCISM:  Shit makes the trains run on time.
  • CARGO CULT:  A barge will come and take all the shit away.
  • EMACS:  Hold down Control-Meta-Shit.
  • DISCORDIANISM:  Some funny shit happened to me today.
  • RASTAFARIANISM:  Let’s smoke this shit.
  • CHARISMATIC:  This is not shit and it doesn’t smell bad.
  • MASONIC:  Shit happens, but we can’t discuss it during Lodge.
  • RED CROSS:  Shit happens – send money.
  • THE MATRIX:  There is no shit…
  • BRAVEHEART:  SHIIIIITTT!!!

* * * * *

Hope you liked it, and my apologies if this shit offends your religion or belief… but frankly my dear, I don’t give a shit…

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]]> http://www.tolitz.com/2006/09/11/shit-happens/feed/ 0 The new image of Jesus… http://www.tolitz.com/2004/11/11/the-new-image-of-jesus/#utm_source=feed&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=feed http://www.tolitz.com/2004/11/11/the-new-image-of-jesus/#comments Thu, 11 Nov 2004 20:14:41 +0000 Tolitz http://www.tolitz.com/?p=572 Hehe … funny editorial pic ;)

 

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